If you can’t trust yourself or others, do this

Create a Life that Matters : Maynas Eric and Network of Friends

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27 December 2008 1,560 views 8 Comments

We have each built an invisible wall of defence around us to protect ourselves against those who might do harm or take advantage of our vulnerability, and even worse, do harm to those we love and care for. This natural instinct which have built up over the years, is good to an extend for it gives us a sense of protection, that we are able to protect ourselves. However, this invisible wall not only blocks out other people, it inevitably blocked out ourselves from others too. There are definitely people whom we should not trust, but in blocking out so many whom we suspect, we have blocked out those whom we should as well.

I imagine that our modern World has been built on the foundation of trust though it may not be obvious when we do not think about it. The houses we live in, would we live in it if we have not trusted the builders to have done a good job and it will not collapse? The supermarket where we buy our food, would we shop there if we do not trust them in not selling contaminated food to us? Trust, not many will bring themselves to communicate, be friends or do trading with people they do not trust.

I have once, for a certain period of time, stopped trusting people, even those who were closed to me, for there have been some pretty serious cases of betrayal which happened to me throughout my life. Something weird and unexpected happened during this period of doubt about others. I felt that because I could not trust them, they themselves could not bring themselves to trust me. We were always double checking each other, the "Have you done that yet?" game.. Perhaps you have played this game sometimes in your life too. It’s quite s**ky, living in a world where people do not trust each other.

But then one day, a friend of mine, twice my age, much wiser and more experienced in life’s journey, asked me why I begun to behave the way I did. I talked, she listened. She understood and taught. I learnt. This was what she advised and what I try my best to follow as part of my life principles now.

If you are ever wanting people to trust in you, you would have to feel that you can trust them too. You will have to close your eyes and believe them…even when you are in the dark…even when you are failing, you have to trust them. Trust is a feeling based on judgement of your previous experiences in your contact with all the people you have met in your life, trust your judgement and trust the people you feel can be trusted, that is the difference which can make other people trust you. You see, to them, they know little about you too.

Close your eyes and feel, do not believe in what you see. Sometimes, the people who look as if they could be trusted are not the ones who can be and other times, those who look as if they can’t be trusted, will be the ones who are amongst the most honest people you will ever meet in your life. Trust in not written on the faces of people, use your instincts, they never lie…trust yourself.

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8 Comments

8 Comments »

Uncle Samurai said:

Awareness is the beginning. What we do each day with this information is going to determine the outcome of civilized people.

Very good points…

What are some universal practices that can open up this dialogue more and more each day?

And good luck teaching this in the USA.

It’s what we try and do here every day of our modern lives.

The more teachers the better I say.

your friendly cyberhood

Uncle Samurai

# 27 December 2008 at 6:00 pm

kelly said:

There are some people you know you just CANNOT trust. I have a relative (who I will not name) who’s a habitual liar and thief, has never have any savings despite the fact that he has a job, never supports his parents, ex-wife, 3 kids and gets to live on freebies by borrowing things like spray-deodorant and shower foam. (I woulda kicked his butt if he dared to apply for a credit card!)

He has zero contribution to the household, smells bad (stinks) and does stupid things like hanging soiled socks right out in front of the main door amongst other even more “stupid things”.

The only time he ever volunteered to do favours for me was a time when he volunteered to get a memory card for my Nintendo. I paid him $20 and realised later the card didn’t work. I informed him and he never even bother to return me my money. Any or all previous loans to him (by me and other family members) were “written off” but all of us (including his own Dad) learned one big lesson: He can’t be trusted. (He’s not changed much the past 7 years, except he gets fatter every year.)

And nope, he’s not into self-improvement.

kelly’s last blog post..4 Reasons Why I prefer Yahoo IM to Skype

# 27 December 2008 at 8:58 pm

Maynas Eric (author) said:

@Samurai: :) We do try to do the best we can, don’t we?

@Kelly: Thanks for sharing this with us. You made a good point that there are some people whom we should be wary of and through our instinct know that we should not trust them as much due to the person they have proven themselves to be. Most have us have met at least a few of these people in our lives and it is fortunate that they are among the minority.

I got a feeling that you did wanted to give him a chance, to trust him just a little when he offered to get you the memory card but he still disappointed you in the end.

Kelly, sorry to hear that you have a relative who is like that and I do hope he would change for the better. I would imagine that you might agree a little with me that as much as he was a disappointment to those around him, I would think that inside him, he knows what he is doing, has done, has hurt others and does feel at least a little guilty about his behaviour. As much as we can’t trust him, I would think he doesn’t trust many people as well.

Sometimes, people know it is wrong but still do it anyway perhaps because it already became a habit and because it was “easier to do than not to do.”

You mentioned that in the past 7 years, he has not changed much, I think you may be right, he might have already developed a strong habit of undesirable behaviours over the years.

I would imagine that there is another kind of Self Improvement, the first is when we improve ourselves in a selfless way with others in mind for the benefit of everyone and the other kind, in a selfish way without care for others as long as one benefits, even at the expense of others. The problem might be he “improves” his own self at the expense of others.

Perhaps one day, someone with a great capacity of patience and love might be able to show him a better way of living which can truly make him a better man.

I can’t say much, I am not an expert in this but I know one thing.

Love wins, love always wins *Smiles*

# 28 December 2008 at 2:56 am

Jessica said:

Hey!!

Mi nombre Jessica te agregue al twitter y te agregue al facebook ,soy contadora ,vivo en Perù .

Muy interesante tu blog y tu web

Saludos

Jessica

# 28 December 2008 at 8:11 pm

Maynas Eric (author) said:

Gracias Jessica por visitar mi blog y web

Es genial conocerte también! Esperamos verle aquí a menudo.

Saludos
Maynas Eric

-

Thank you Jessica for visiting my blog and web

It’s great to meet you too! Hope to see you here often.

Greetings
Maynas Eric

# 29 December 2008 at 6:51 am

Life Changed The Day A Man Died Beside Me | Create a Life that Matters : Maynas Eric Chua and the LifeHackers said:

[...] took life more seriously from then on, I wanted to create a life that matters. Not so much that people would remember me [...]

# 29 December 2008 at 2:27 pm

RSV said:

Hey Maynas,

I stumbled upon your website and stayed there for a while. I was feeling really low today because of the ‘trust feeling among the relatives’. Your thoughts on the trust topic was very nicely arranged. But I don’t know after reading, I am feeling more unhappy. Sometimes it seems to me that most of the friends and relatives I have selfish desires. The relationship is not out of affection or love or just to enjoy the company. Sometimes it forces me to break all the friendship bonds from them.

But I really liked your positive thoughts. Keep posting.

RSV

# 30 March 2009 at 6:43 am

Maynas Eric (author) said:

Hi RSV,

Hope you are feeling better my friend :)
Thank you for your comment on the post, very much appreciated :)

I agree with you that sometimes there’s a thin line between knowing whether someone is doing something for us out of affection or for something else.

The thing is, we can never know exactly what someone else is thinking but it’s ok because no one else in the world has this power to know exactly what others are thinking too.
Personally, I imagine that ebay’s community values are a good guide to how a person can live their lives.

“People are basically good.”

I would think that on ebay, hundreds of thousands of people are dealing with mostly people they have never known in their lives but yet it worked.

A certain trust has to be present for people to do things together, even as strangers, it’s true we should doubt, that’s a natural instinct for self-defense.
I imagine that though we may doubt, sometimes we can also give others a chance to prove to us that they can be trusted, by showing them we trust them likewise.

Trust can be felt :) Like love, one sided situations don’t really work out, like love, usually one side is the first to be ready to give before the other side decides to clap together with two hands.

Hope your week will be getting better my friend.
Eric

# 30 March 2009 at 7:04 am